Most people try to avoid conflict because it’s uncomfortable. However, Connie Omari Ph.D., clinician, and owner of Tech Talk Therapy, tells Bustle, “Avoiding conflict is a silent relationship killer because it prevents the opportunity for addressing conflict to take place.” When you aren’t addressing conflicts, you’re allowing the negativity to fester. The important thing here is to learn how to deal with conflict in the right way. “Not learning these skills is a sure way kill your relationship silently,” she says.
2Invalidating Emotions
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This is a tough one to avoid because it sometimes happens without you realizing it. For instance, if your partner says they’re cold but you aren’t, it’s easy to say, “It’s not that cold” without thinking anything of it. But little offhanded remarks like this can add up. As Omari says, you may not mean to be offensive, but if your partner sees it that way, it’s going to be a problem.
“When a person feels invalidated, they often feel disconnected and unheard,” she says. “These two characteristics combined will definitely work to deteriorate a relationship quickly.”
3Unresolved Trauma
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Everyone enters into a relationship with baggage. But failing to deal with baggage or past trauma can hurt your relationship without you realizing it. “When a person suffers from trauma that remains unresolved, they’re often incapable of living their lives without responding to some form of triggers related to that trauma,” Omari says. For instance, if you’ve been cheated on in the past, your partner going away for a work trip might cause you to become worried, anxious, and insecure. So instead of letting your partner do their own thing, you’ll feel the need to check up on them and stay in constant contact. Dealing with past trauma isn’t always easy to do by yourself. Therapy can be helpful in this case.
4Resentment
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